Lately I've been incredibly busy with school, teaching, work, and babysitting on the side. Nice to have three jobs, eh? Ah well, it pays the bills. Teaching the class is fun, although it's hard to draw the line between being their teacher and being their friend. I think now I've got that line drawn. It's really hard to stay strict. For example, they have a paper due on Tuesday, and each one was like, "What do we write about? How long does it have to be? Give us ideas for topics!" All of this has already been outlined for them in the syllabus I handed out, but I guess they wanted more direction and basically for me to outline exactly what I wanted. I instead had them give me their ideas for papers and encouraged them in separate directions. I definitely made sure nobody uses Courier New font, since that is pathetic. All they have to do is write 5-7 pages on one theme in one of the three books we've covered so far in class. They said, "That's such a long paper!" I think this was when I had to try not to roll my eyes. Oh well. For the most part, it's been a good class.

So today is Valentine's Day, and I'm working, just like last night and tomorrow night. The boy decided that we'd celebrate on Thursday night instead, since I had that night free. He made dinner, I made dessert (strawberry cupcakes) and we watched a movie. I bought him tickets to a festival in New Orleans, where his favorite band--Kings of Leon--is playing.

Yesterday, when I was busy at work, I texted him to tell him about a funny incident that had just taken place. He replied, saying I should go ahead and tell him since he was downstairs. He was waiting with a bowl full of orchids. I really didn't expect it and it was a great surprise, especially to have him deliver it to me at work.

So now I'm waiting to hear from several schools where I applied. So far, I've gotten updates from Arkansas and Colorado State, but not an actual indication of acceptance. So I'm still crossing my fingers. I know I could do something else if I don't get in, and it's probably best--with the current economy--to do something other than more school. But I'm still hoping things work out.

I hope everyone has a good Valentine's Day/Single Awareness Day. :)

I got a bill yesterday from the gas company saying we owed $550 (including $320 for this month's usage). I have an old house with poor insulation, so I understand the current fee--plus I immediately made sure my roommate and I plan to lower the temperature very low when we aren't home/at night.

But I swore that I paid it, pointing out on my bank account the e-bill payments to CenterPoint Energy. I failed to notice that the amounts were the same as the ones to my water company, which coincidentally sent a credit of over $200 to us the same day--so we don't owe them anything for several months.

I for some reason made out an e-bill to the wrong company. I owe $550 by Friday to the gas company or our heating will get shut off. I am an idiot of immense proportions. Add this to the negative feelings I've got lately concerning my current and future graduate programs, and whoa.

In good news, I'm dating a great guy ... though this doesn't soothe my feelings of inadequacy right now. :P Although he did buy me a signed copy of a Margaret Atwood novel for Christmas, which is beyond awesome and wonderful.

As Features Editor here at the paper, I've been put in charge of our monthly series on Breast Cancer Awareness, in which we publish one issue a week with 2-3 stories relating to the issue, be it survivors, new support groups, or new technology. While my editor knows of my history, he still thinks I should be able to write about this, saying I have good writing skills and can sympathize/empathize with the stories being presented.

So far, I've had to interview several survivors. It doesn't get any easier. One survivor asked me today if I had been affected by cancer (as it seems like everyone, even if they haven't suffered themselves, knows someone who has some form of the disease). I briefly summed up my story, and she turned from talking about herself to empathizing with me becoming a widow at 24. I felt almost embarrassed because we should have been talking about her and her struggle with breast cancer, but I do think it made her feel better by knowing I had actual experience with what she was talking about.

I don't know what the point of writing this is. I'm getting off work in 30 minutes, and the next issue will be behind me. I guess it's just hard to know I've got three more issues of this coming up, and now the management here wants me to do this every month (as every month focuses on a different form of cancer). I agree it's good to spread awareness, but the writing about it on a continual basis is becoming difficult.

So, if you remember last post, I made friends with some professors, including the children's lit one, who encouraged me to follow the Ph.D. in children's lit route. Since then, I've been able to take on five separate classes teaching wise, wherein I will instruct young collegiate minds on works such as "Snow White," "Peter Pan," and "The Mysterious Benedict Society," while said professor is away at conferences.

Even better though is that yesterday I got a phone call from the English Department, informing me that they have an open spot for their middle-level literature class, an upper-level class for literature for the 4th to 8th grades for prospective English teachers. And they offered it to ME.

So, while I still lack my M.A., I'm teaching an upper-level class that is normally only given to professors. How freaking awesome is that? This is really encouraging me to completely ditch the journalism route and proceed fully into academia.

So excited.

I had a grad school meet-and-greet Wednesday after work. It was one of those things where the professors wanted to welcome all new students and let them get to know the "broken in" ones, but only about four new people showed. But it was good. My profs from last semester were glad to see me. One is married to one of my best friends, Paulette, so he'd randomly come up while I was talking to people and go, "Aren't you Jerrica Ryan, the new Features Editor for the Log Cabin Democrat?" and I'd reply, "Well, yes I am, thanks!" It was funny. He and I are very much like brother and sister. He also kept referring to how he might sleep with one of the grad students that evening (Paulette, obviously). That was fun.

One new prof, who wrote his dissertation on Judy Blume (which I think is a stroke of pure genius) was trying to talk me into pursuing a joint MFA/Ph.D. in Children's Literature. "You'll be so marketable!" he kept saying. So I'm looking into it. I have to retake the GRE this year because my scores have expired. I took a practice test this morning and got a 610 on my Verbal, which is the only score I care about. So as long as I score that high or better, I'm good on the GRE.

But Comps will be Nov. 3 and 4 and that date is looming. Terrifying. I hope I can pass the two-day test, but there's so much on it that I keep freaking myself out. It's basically a ton of selections from Medieval to Present. We're forming a study session on Monday at 6 so maybe it'll go okay.

I also need to work on my writing sample for MFA programs. I think I'm stronger, writing-wise, than I was five years ago. Just in case, a local writer is reading one sample (you have to have two stories) and is giving me feedback. He may hate it, so who knows how this will work. It can't hurt, anyway.

Also, at work Thursday I got to go to the Extreme Makeover: Home Edition project in Bigelow. It was hot and muddy, but I got to see Ty Pennington and snuck in with another reporter to areas we weren't supposed to walk in. That was fun. Lois Lane I am not, but I'm working on it. It is taking me a little while to get used to all my duties at the paper and I am probably not doing as good a job as I should be ... but I'm still only a month in, and I may be blowing my bad parts out of proportion.

And more letters have arrived.

I know you guys were waiting.

And here it is: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FENhzcXbYB0

I am billed in this feature film as "Girl at beach" although I do in fact have lines. And you should wait for the credits anyway, because it's full of our outtakes.

I'm anxiously awaiting your comments. :)

And yes, I do in fact know how silly this is.

It's kind of interesting at my new job ... the change from editing to writing is a lot different, but the biggest difference is getting used to my co-workers.

To illustrate my point, go to www.youtube.com, type in "libparks" and click on "The World."

This is a teaser trailer for our company's pro-recycling video campaign. I had to film my section on Sunday, in which I am sitting calmly on the beach, sipping a cup of coffee and reading our paper. Joe (crime reporter) walks up, dressed up as the trash monster, and tells me I should litter instead of recycling my cup. When I protest, he pulls out a real machete and chases me across the beach. This is supposed to be illustrative of what will happen in 10 years if we stop recycling.

Upside to all this is that I still looked decently thin on camera. :) Downside is that I laughed uncontrollably through the whole thing. I'm not sure acting is my forte.

Tomorrow I have to write the arrest log and Quorum Court articles. Wednesday I'm going around town to the paint your own pottery studios to do a feature. Thursday, who knows.

and too tired to type in caps. sorry.

i'm in jonesboro for one of dan's friends' weddings, which is tomorrow. it's weird being back here. but good, because i know dan's parents/brother still care about me and it's good to see them. it's more driving around and remembering, and then seeing his parents' house and remembering. but it's really ok, better than i thought it'd be.

i'm working a new job--reporting at a local paper, versus copy editing at the old one--and it's good but i'm tired tired tired. i'm getting up at 8 a.m. at the latest, so come 10 or 11 p.m., i pass out from exhaustion. i have to drive about half an hour to work, which isn't that bad and allows me time to think/destress from work, just is not that great on my gas tank. but oh well. first paycheck is next week, whee!

my other news: i got a letter. if you know what this means, yay, if not, it doesn't matter.

I miss you. I wish I could be celebrating your 29th birthday today. I donated my hair in memory of you, as a birthday present, and today wrote a story with a positive message to show you that I was remembering the good times.

When people ask me what I'm looking for dating-wise, while I'm not replacing you, I tell them I refuse to settle for less than the love you and I had for each other.

I love you.

Jerrica

Because I do, at least in three separate instances from this past week. If only I had a censor on me to tell me when NOT to say something. OMG.

Ah, well. Life, you really like to play these games with me, don't you.